Pain

 Today I have had less pain than usual and that's a real blessing.  I hate pain!  I think everyone hates pain!  We all have to endure it at various levels, unfortunately, because that's part of being human.  Having lupus brought lots of joint pain for years, but I have been stable with that disease for a number of years. Unfortunately, CIDP, chronic inflammatory demyelating polyneuropathy, presented it's ugly head in 2003 and that causes a lot of pain, in my case, in my legs.  I am stable with that to disease in that I am not getting worse, and I am grateful for that.  But then a mild cancer reared it's ugly Head 2 or 3 years ago and this past winter the mild cancer transformed to an aggressive and painful cancer, Myelofibrosis.  I am not grateful for that.  I don't know if I am bitter or not, but I am residing in a mental state where that cancer isn't sometimes is terribly painful and sometimes I don't feel such terrible pain, like today, but I am very fatigued.  As in, going to the bathroom takes a lot of energy and sometimes I need help, but Jay helps me .  I am grateful for Jay . It is difficult to describe that feeling when your loved one holds you to prevent you from falling, but the words love and gratefulness are partly descriptive.  Right now I am feeling just worn out and need to sleep, and I will see what tomorrow brings.